


Cancer

by PBandGelly



Series: Song Fics [1]
Category: Sanders Sides
Genre: Cancer, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, get ready cry bc hoo boy :)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-15 00:37:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14148105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PBandGelly/pseuds/PBandGelly
Summary: Roman stopped fighting.





	Cancer

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the song Cancer by My Chemical Romance. All lyrics are bolded.

The staff knew Patton by now. The doctor said it was important for him to visit his boyfriend while he was here. Patton took that advice maybe a little too seriously and visited everyday, no matter what plans he had. Perhaps it was also the fact that he didn’t want Roman to be alone if things went south. He shook the thought out of his head, trying to stay optimistic.  _ He’ll be fine, Patton. Don’t worry yourself. _

 

He braced himself for no reason. He should know how Roman looked by now, but still, he looked different than in Patton’s fond memories. All of Roman’s hair was gone, and he looked tiny. He lost most of his muscle weight, leaving a skeleton. He looked  _ awful _ , to put it bluntly. Roman didn’t look like Roman.

 

“Patton,  **turn away** .” Roman said the moment Patton walked into the room. Roman wouldn’t look at his love.

 

“Why, dear?” Patton moved to sit down next to Roman’s bed. Roman still wouldn’t look at him, opting to stare at the foot of his bed.

 

“ **”Cause I’m awful just to see. ’Cause all my hairs abandoned all my body.** ” Roman started to fidget with his thumbs. Patton could hear children playing on the playground outside, as it was the middle of May.

 

“Honey, you know I don’t care about that.” That wasn’t entirely true, but Patton didn’t like where this conversation was going. A pit was starting to grow in his stomach.

 

“ **Baby, I’m just soggy from the chemo,** ” Roman took a shaky breath, “ **but I’m counting down the days to go.** ”

 

Patton’s heart fell. “W-what?” He could feel tears start to form at the corners of his eyes.

 

“You have to understand,  **this just ain’t living.** ” Roman finally looked at Patton. His eyes told the whole story. Roman was tired of fighting. He knew that the treatment would only delay the inevitable. He knew that he wasn’t going to live. Roman had given up, and Patton hated that. 

 

“I know, Ro, but-”

 

“ **Call my Aunt Marie.** ” Roman looked somber. “ **Help her gather all my things, and bury me in all my favorite colors.** ”

 

“-what are you gonna tell Virgil?” Roman little brother was only 8, and he didn’t really understand that Roman was dying. Virgil was the youngest, and a lot younger than Roman and his other siblings. 

 

“ **My sisters and my brothers still** don’t know yet. I can’t tell them, especially Virgil. I don’t want him to think any less of me.” Roman mumbled the last part. “You know what would be great, in  **all my agony** ?  **If you could get me a drink of water ‘cause my lips are chapped and faded.** ”

 

“Uh, okay.” Patton stood up and walked to the cafeteria, his mind racing. This was basically Roman’s suicide note, and he was witnessing all of it. This felt so surreal. Roman was as upbeat as ever the day before, but now he’s like a completely different person.  _ He’s just exhausted, _ Patton reminded himself.  _ Tomorrow he’ll be back to normal. _ But the truth was, there might not be a tomorrow, with Roman’s mentality the way it is. As a psychologist, Patton knew that someone would only get better if they really wanted to. He also knew that Roman truly had been fighting his illness with all his might, and even he couldn’t last forever.

 

Patton walked back into Roman’s room with a bottle of water. He handed to him as Roman took a sip. “ **Now turn away** , please, and don’t say a word. I can’t say this if I feel your gaze.” Patton did as he was told, cold starting to creep into his fingertips. “You’ve stayed with me through all of this. You’ve seen me deteriorate into what I am now,  **and I just hope you know. That if you say goodbye today, I’ll ask you to be true. ‘Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you.** So, I would understand if you left and never returned.”

 

An awful silence fell over the room. Patton wasn’t ready to leave Roman behind yet. “I-I…” 

 

“It’s okay. You don’t have to answer now. Just… if I don’t see you tomorrow, I’ll know. I hope you know that I love you.” Roman shifted in his bed to go to sleep.

 

Patton was only able to whisper, “I love you with all my heart,” before having to leave the room. He had to go home and sit on his and Roman’s conversation all night because suddenly he couldn’t sleep. His eyes were exhausted but his mind was quite the opposite. He stayed up until morning wondering if he would ever go back.

 

It didn’t matter in the end, because Roman succumbed the next morning.


End file.
